The Surprising Purpose of Anger: Finding the Gift by Marshall B. Rosenberg takes the NVC approach and looks at it specifically in conjunction with anger. Marshall explains how anger is a valuable wake-up call that allows us to see we are thinking in ways that will not get our needs met. It is never the actions of another that lead to anger but our judgements about these actions. By differentiating that it is our evaluation of their behaviour that leads to anger, we are able to take a step back and see what needs of ours are not being met. Our emotions are a natural function which stimulate us to get our needs met, except anger isn’t; anger is created by thinking about the wrongness of the other person – leading to energy wasted on blaming and punishing. Once we are aware of the unmet needs underneath the anger, we are far more likely to take steps to have our needs met. Marshall uses the same steps outlined in Nonviolent Communication:A Language of Life with examples to explain his method to us. As someone who is frequently confused by anger and has never viewed it as a healthy response, this short book provides a way of working with and through anger to find its message.
Archives for September 2017
The Surrender Experiment
The Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer is an autobiography, an account of what happens when you just let go and surrender in life. Michael wrote The Untethered Soul in 2007 and followed it up in 2015 with this book. He describes his spiritual awakening in his early twenties, living in the woods and on a piece of land, how he founded the Temple of the Universe, set up his own building business, started creating software, became CEO of a multi-million dollar business and ended up being raided by the FBI and standing on trial accused by the US government. This really is riveting stuff! However the main focus of the book is Michael’s dedication to surrendering to whatever comes up in the moment and where it can lead you. It’s about not standing in your own way, about not believing your ego, it’s about trusting in life and allowing the conscious witness to be in the driving seat.
Melissa recommended this book to me and I’m eternally grateful as I’m not sure I would have read it otherwise. I’m also very glad I read it before The Untethered Soul as it’s a bit like tasting the dish before seeing the recipe. This book relaxes your fears and leaves you in awe of what happened to one man when he just let go.
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg is one of those books you wish someone had given you when you were 20, has you signing up for courses in your area, suggesting workshops to your boss and wanting to get everyone you know on board so you can practise. I even found myself hoping for conflict so I could put it to the test. NVC is a way of communicating feelings and underlying needs without using blame, criticism and demands. It believes that all human beings have the same basic needs and that conflict arises only when the strategies to meet these needs are in opposition. By using this compassionate communication method, most conflicts can be resolved peacefully and satisfactorily, in fact Marshall developed it as a tool for negotiating peace in war zones.
There is also this great youtube video which covers nearly all the material in the book.
If you’ve had any experience in NVC, I would love to hear about it, particularly how it translates to day to day situations.
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate
When it comes to addiction, most people don’t talk sense, it’s mostly about the blame game and treatment. So when I discovered Gabor Mate’s talks on TED and youtube, I was intrigued to hear someone talking about how addiction was a social disease and compassionately talking about the ‘victims’. I bought his book on kindle and read it, savouring every word. Gabor’s book is based on his experiences with hard drug users in Vancouver. He shares many stories with us. Yet from the begining he looks further than the troubling behaviour on the surface and examines the reasons why the addiction occurred in the first place and why it is sustained. What makes this book a book I believe should be on school curriculums, is Gabor’s willingness to investigate the term addiction so that we can see, by degrees, that we are all addicts. Most of us use work, alcohol, smoking, TV, the internet, our smartphones, collections etc. as pacifiers in our lives. Gabor courageously exposes his own addictions and looks at where they stem from enabling the reader to examine his/her own behaviour and determine that we are all just a few steps away from the hard core addicts on the street. Only we’ve been luckier. None of us are perfect and this book reminds us that in view of this, compassion, understanding and awareness are key to recovery. As Gabor himself says “Given that addiction is all about running from dificult emotions or hanging on to enticing ones, bare attention has the potential to dissolve the very motivations that drive the addicted mind.” This book looks at how society as a whole can fail and let people fall through the cracks and reminds us that we should never blame the individual. It asks us to be mindful of our own actions. It asks us to be courageous. It goes a long way to explain other people’s behaviours. And if you want to kick that habit, Gabor also includes his own comprehensive treatment for addiction. This book will not only help you understand addicts, it will help you understand humanity and, if you put in the hard work, yourself.
Artemis Fowl
Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer is the first of 7 books in the Artemis Fowl series and aimed at a younger audience. Artemis is a fantastic character and in his first book, we get to know him as a villainous 12 year old who is a criminal mastermind. His plan this time is to capture a fairy, only this fairy turns out to be Holly Short of LEPrecon, a fantastic, feisty heroine who accompanies Artemis on his adventures through the series. So you have an evil mastermind with a conscience, who should not be underestimated, a strong heroine from a magical world and a number of other memorable characters all mixed together with plenty of plot to make these books a good read for anyone of any age.
The War of Don Emmanuel’s Nether Parts
The War of Don Emmanuel’s Nether Parts by Louis de Berniere is the first book in a trilogy written by Louis de Berniere before he wrote his bestselling and well know novel Captain Corelli’s Mandolin. Simon told me to read The War of Don Emmanuel’s Nether Parts and I met Simon in 1999, so it had been available for 8 years. I was instantly hooked. It was THE best piece of advice Simon ever gave me, or more likely, the only one I ever listened too. The genre is magic realism and this book delivers that en force. Set somewhere in the South American jungle, the characters and plot are exquisitely portrayed and developed; stupidity, magic, love and passion abound. Louis’ writing is superb, poetic at times, yet he also fearlessly visits those crueller and cringingly inevitable places. You will laugh but you will cry too. Not for the fainthearted.
The Last Dragonslayer
The Last Dragonslayer by Jaspar Fforde is a fabulous book. Jennifer Strange is the heroine, a strong character whose moral compass makes her extremely likeable. Add in the elements of orphans, magic, dragons, witches and wizards and you have a fantastic story topped only by Jaspar Fforde’s dry wit and excellent storytelling. His imagination is truly brilliant. You could describe him as a modern day Douglas Adams but I think he’s even better, in a league of his own. A truly gifted story teller whose books can be read again and again. The Last Dragonslayer is the first in a trilogy describing Jennifer Strange’s adventures. The books are aimed at a younger audience but as with Harry Potter, are timeless and classic. Guaranteed to make you laugh and leave y0u wanting more.
Original Wisdom
Original Wisdom – Stories of an Ancient Way of Knowing by Robert Wolff
This book is just wonderful, better than any fairy tale. It’s about Robert’s own experiences living amongst indigenous tribes in Asia, it’s about another time, a different way of living and being (which I find particularly interesting in light of our own current failures.) Robert is an excelllent story teller – he illuminates gently yet firmly our own cultural conditioning to highlight an astonishingly different and communal way of being, one filled with huge regard for the living planet and general well-being. As the book sleeve says “These stories hold a mirror to our existence, allowing us to see how far we have wandered from the ways of the Sng’oi. And ultimately they challenge us, in our fragmented world, to rediscover within ourselves the Sng’oi’s humanity, trust, and sense of connection to all creation.” The stories, like the one with the mango tree, will remain with me for a long time – beautiful! This is one of my absolute favourite books.
Cows, Pigs, Wars, and Witches
Cows, Pigs, Wars, and Witches – The Riddles of Culture by Marvin Harris is a book that delights in finding answers to some of our perplexing behavioural idiosyncraries. Marvin investigates conundrums such as why Hindus won’t eat cows despite persistant food shortages, why Jews and Muslims won’t eat pig as well as why post-medieval people believe in witches and where did the broomstick analogy come from. These topics are all explored satisfactorily and with marvelous conclusions and yet Marvin also includes chapters that examine the roots of inequality between males and females, the history and psychology behind status seekers and the dire effects of phantom cargo. And if that wasn’t enough, Marvin also provides us with a realistic and non-sugared view of Jesus and the conditions that led to the rise in christianity. What can I say, I loved this book! Its varied, interesting, full of psychological insight, human madness and intelligence. Chapters are short and I read it at breakneck speed and have it catalogued as one of my all time favourite books! Truth, reflection and causality – if you know of any other book like this – PLEASE recommend it in the comments below. If you haven’t read it yet, enjoy! it’s a real treat!
After this i read this http://www.lookingforsomethingtoread.com/original-wisdom/